Unforgettable

I waited outside the funeral home for my father and escorted him in. I was scared that someone would say something horrible to him. We sat together at the back, and when the song Unforgettable was played, we gave each other a wry smile. What an unforgettable woman indeed. It was strange and funny. Now, sitting on the boat with dad, we laughed at the choice of song. And we talked about the preparing of bodies. We had a 'viewing' before the funeral, in a room that stank of orchid (I think) and slight sourness. I touched her hands and face, which were cold and hard. The overwhelming thing was the realisation that she is dead, that her spent body was lying in a crass box, awaiting the next stage. It is a process. We humans love a good process. Her fingertips and around her fingernails had turned purple. While we looked at her, I wondered if it was really her, because the old physical indicators were gone, or had receeded to the point of unrecognisability. Her face was small and sunken and her head was hard and cold. I couldn't help imagining that suddenly she would gasp and sit up. And I kept thinking about one of the last things she said to me, which was that she was planning to come to Melbourne to haunt me. Death itself is fairly unrecognisable, except to those who are used to it. I cried for a brief moment because I was standing touching the corpse of someone I have known all my life. I think I felt sad because I had to think about instability and change in the world, which is something I am not good at. Perhaps everything can suddenly change and I can't prevent it?

There is always something mildly humorous about a funeral, and I think with hers it was the irony of talking about what a wonderful, kind, loving person she was. Yes, Unforgettable indeed. Tom Payne (for those non Tasmanians, he is a newsreader turned celebrant, which in itself I find hilarious. He did my grandfather's funeral too, and before he died my grandmother asked who he wanted to do the funeral, and he said he wanted Tom Payne. My grandmother asked him if he would not rather have someone he knew, to which my grandfather answered that of course he knew Tom Payne, he's been watching him on the news for years) talked about how her family loved her and would miss her, and how she will be with us forever (god forbid!). I wonder if I rolled my eyes at any point?