Forewarned is Forearmed

The rescue people rescued the miners in Beaconsfield, and Australia was in a frenay about it the 2 weeks they were down there. They are rough Tassie heroes now. People were so curious about their bodily needs. On various radio stations I heard masturbation and shitting discussed. We have to know what happens to the body in these situations.

I often dream about my parents, and it makes me uneasy. I think of those broken down phone calls from my mother, and the fact that I can't bear to tell her about my father. And I think and dream about my father, and try to imagine his new life. And I wonder if it is false? I know I have lived falsely at times, and it is painful. I'm feeling slightly ragged and sensitive. I heard the ** song *** * **** ** *** on Sunday, unexpectedly, and I haven't heard it for many years. I was in the kitchen, and I slid to the floor and cried hard and loud. Funny how you can just feel sometimes. It swamped me, and I felt so indescribably sad. It was a song MP loved when we were first together (is it really 13 years ago that we met?), and I had the 7" single of it, and I gave it to him. All the things I gave to him he kept and loved.

There are so many things I omit. I don't know if it is because I feel private, or because I feel false. There is something about violation and humiliation that appeals to me. Something about baring yourself.

AM and I saw Gotharama on Saturday night. The Victorian Gothic thing. It was funny and intense. The last scene that was performed was the woman (Moira Finucane) standing on a bed in a white dress. The piece was called The Bleeding Heart. She stood there and looked distraught, and clutched her chest. Gradually the dress turned red, and she took her hands away from her chest and her body was bleeding. How incredible.