These are scary times....even Malcolm Fraser thinks the Howard government are fucked. He even considered leaving the Liberal party. As crass as it sounds, last night I dreamt about living in a police state. It was terrifying, and I woke up at 4.00am, sweating and angry. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and noticed that I looked ill. Perhaps I am ill, and perhaps the government makes me ill. Have we been poisoned???? Does everyone look ill at 4.00am?

I am going to a meeting later today, and thinking about it, I have realised that I really don't like meetings. They make me feel like a dog. I am officially docile and obedient in meetings. There are always those people who are smooth and brown and good at being. Good at being? Funny to think that some people could be better at being than others....

I find it strange that when I go to sleep I am absent. The coherent 'I' is missing and I (the INcoherent I) am a simple and snoring sleeping mass in a bed. It is incredible that we are so prepared to sleep in front of other people, that we are so trusting. Do most people see it as a simple biological function? I understand it to be anti-expression of the self...a withdrawal or truncation of self. And perhaps that is why depressed people sometimes sleep a lot. There were times when I couldn't stand being present inside my own brain. I have been reading about the hypothalamus - as the core of being. It seems like an easy and false notion. Funny, the drive to discover who and WHERE we are!

You know, I don't even know what other people talk about in their blogs.